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Tmr i am going baack to school alr. I have not been to school for two days. However there is one bad thing that is i have yet to sort out my thoughts. I cant get it out my head and the problem isn't any better. I just wish to skip school forever and ever but there dun seem to be a choice. Today was also rather bad my stomach gave me lots of problem. I kept running to the toliet. I wish to be me again but i cant find that once super happy and hyper me. Why is there so many problems that i would need to face. I just want to be free from problems. But this is a personal problem and only a few ppl can solve it. I dunno la. I am just madly confused and troubled with it. I want to let it go but it keeps coming back into my mind. What am i to do. If only a brain wash or if only i change school. I have been trying to let it out by crying but my tears are like all dried up. But i have not cried for a long while alr. Maybe i just cant cry at all? I am not sure. I just wish to cry to let it out. But if i seem super distracted this few days pls dun bother much abt it. but i dun really think i will show it. There will still be laughter i hope. I shall stop here la.

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LOL.. i am seriously have nothing to do. it is like 203 am and i am still awake. hehe. It is the first time after so long that i am awake until so late. i think the last time was when i was awake so late was last year. When every night i was awake watching dvd on my com until 3 to 4 am. lol i miss those days. Anyway i kept thinking abt the thing and cant since to get off it. maybe it is time to forget and get on with life. I also miss the happy times. it is nearly a week since the performance and at billy bombers. it has truely been missed. The fun!!! anyway take care everyone and have fun.

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today is a school day but i seem to be home.
i am rather stressed out and soon break down unless i can stop thinking about it. This is really bad. school is surely not the environment to be in. i want to be somewhere where no one can find me and just cry. I know my friends who found out abt it told me to relax and focus on other things. I have been trying i guess but my mind have gone elsewhere. no one may found me troubled cos i am rather happy in school. but i was shocked when two ppl told me that i seem to be always distracted. AM I? one of them even said that i look more distracted then before while the other said that i am always distracted. always not thinking abt work. lol. I can only say that i noe i am distracted but i would not know how to focus anymore. It's gone. gone. hope school today dun really have much work but there would be many tests tmr. mugging soon i guess.
take care everyone.

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Well now i am in the school library posting this. i actually wanted to post this yesterday but my com had some problem and i was unable to post it. Actually i was not really in a good mood yesterday. I know the problem but just could not decide wat to do. I just wish a solution can easily be found. I have been thinking alot lately and really have not been focusing. Especially yesterday and now. It has not been off my head. But i guess i would to give up and forget it soon. If not it would affect everything. It was unexpected to me and i was surprised that i would feel that way but then....
I also heard something from my mum yesterday and is pretty worried abt it. I hope that everything would be fine. I just wish the problems would stop piling before i truly lose focus and not do well for my promos. If i get retain one more year i truly would not know how to face many ppl. It would be very bad and i would feel guilty abt the promises i had made.
Anyway if you wish to find out more abt my weekends it is in the below posts cos i wanted to write both posts at the same time but my com would not allow me to do so. take care everyone and have fun. wheeee.....

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LOL ... haven't been posting for nearly two weeks. have been really lazy and not really in the mood.
Anyway the weekends last week had been good. On sat i went to watch burn the floor. Edgar and Dickson wore rather formal but they did look good really presentable.=x It was an enjoyable show even though i dun really understand the need of watching the show. But i went there a little late and was not really sitting with my class but it is ok at least i had fun sitting where i was. After that, me and jack followed some ppl from S6 and went to play pool. I did not really play la cos there were many ppl so i went to walk with jack to see something at topshop. After that i did not really stay at the pool place to watch them play but was outside stoning, thinking and watching ppl bowl.
We had dinner at Billy Bombers had a great time there. We were eating and playing at the same time. It was fun. We were like in there for rather long. Actually before that, we were like walking around just cos we could not decide wat to eat. LOL. But we manage to get a seat at the billy bombers which was rather good as many ppl were staving already. However the bill was rather high too. It was just a pity that time flies when we are having fun but nvm we can do it again soon. I hope? but still i guess i may not forget that day at billy bombers. =)
Sunday, i went to church after like so long. LOL. Jorim nearly wanted to give a morning call to go for cg even. He told me the night before. but i told him not to cos i noe i will not walk up at the end of the day still. But Thanks Jorim. Then nearly theb whole cg pon the youth camp meeting. We were like sneaking out of church in order not to get caught. We were also afraid that someone would call us that some of us switch off our phone. We sort of went for a sudden plan cg outing. We went to eat pasta mania i so long never eaten that alr la. I simply missed the food and cheese. =p. Then we went to play pool. Everyone slowly left during the pool game. There was like only me and jorim who continued to play for half an hour before we went starbucks. We sat there and talked and talked. It was fun. There was laughter and lots of other things. The weekends was really good will surely miss it. =p

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Well was actually planning to post this yesterday but did not find the time to write. Yesterday was rather a fun day for me. As usual i miss cell grp cos i woke up late. I went straight for church service. After service i went for lunch with the befrienders. We went to katong shopping centre to eat the chicken rice. It was delicious especially for the soup. I love it.
Then i went home and waited for a few latecomers to come to my house. =p. lol. I was so tired that i went to sleep for a while. It was nearly an hour later before Edgar and James arrived at my house. We were exploring the internet and were talking about stuff before shao wei arrived. As we didn't want to be so bored at my house, we went to katong shopping centre to play bowling. However, we only managed to start playing close to 6 as there was a League going on. We watched for a while before Jack arrived. We were watching the pros play. There were a few ppl who even managed to get a perfect score of 300. WOW!!! That was damn pro means that not even a single pin was missed. If only i could do that. I only wish. =x We played a two sets per person and i was rather happy with my second score. I truly miss bowling. Then we went back to my house. My mum was home and started talking to everyone of them. But i managed to find a reason to escape the talking. We went down to play risk in the aerobics room while waiting for the 4 large pizzas to arrive. lol. But we did not manage to play for very long before the pizzas arrived. The pizzas was really big. Everyone were like suffering trying to shallow the pizzas. It was a miracle that we manage to finish 4 pizzas. Jack and Shao wei each ate 7 pieces, Michael and Edgar each ate 6 then james ate 4 while i ate the least, I only ate 3. Everyone was like bloated after that. LOL. Then we went up to play risk. It was super happy to see how our alliance manage to dominate the othe alliance. It was like super fun. However, poor James reach home super late and was locked outside the house and edgar was scolded by James's dad. =x haha.. Sorry.
However overall the day was fun and i would like thank everyone for coming and for helping me. =) I should think that it helped a bit.

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Well today was one of best days so far. I had fun even though i was rather tired from school and stuff. I had to also wake up early today for my lesson taught by my uncle with my cousins. It was sort of a contract lesson so i could not make a choice not to go. I was out today since 930am and i reached home ard 10pm. The lessons were alright but i was feeling super tired.
After lesson i met two of my BESTEST AND CLOSEST friends, giulia and bridget. Giulia had also just returned from Australia for a holiday. I seriously MISSED the both of them we haven't met since feb. I was really happy meeting them today. We went to play pool today. It was rather funny and exciting. Me and giulia kept winning while poor bridget did not even win a single match. lol. We even saw my ex-chinese teacher. We were shocked as we never expected to be attached and the best part she was playing directly the next table from us. We were playing badly as we were at the same time planning to block ourselves from her. haha.. But still she noticed us and we had no choice but to say hello to her. It was super funny as we were also watching her play and the way she plays is a bit funny. lol. Then we went to watch ice age 2. It was rather funny and the show lasted for like two hours. We kept eating in the theatre. After that we wanted to look for carls jr but we could not find it we landed up at pan pacific hotel. We took the lift up twice to the 36 storey as we wanted to see the scenery. It was a bit scary going all the way up. We took photos in the lift too. Me and giulia ears were blocked due to air pressure and you can see the funny expressions we made.We went to carls jr for dinner. We sat there and talked too before we left. Bridget was at first suppose to go home for dinner but she stayed all the way until we left like 9 something and she still had dinner at home. LOL.. Then we went to develop photos as giulia wanted to do a board about us to bring to Australia. We waited for the photos to be developed before we left. Bridget then asked me if i was blogging today then i said yes then she and giulia added i must write something. haha... so i will be writeing it now.I LOVE YOU GIULIA AND BRIDGET AND WILL SURLY MISS YOU BOTH =).

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I have been thinking this few days wat wrong with my mood. I seriously dunno. I feel that certain people seriously make me irritated or pissed off. I seriously would not understand someone's mind or thinking. I just know the person is not making feel any better for these few days. I was like super tired today. I just could not concentrate wat the teacher was talking abt. I was just feeling tired. It was just a long day for me. I dunno was it a wise choice to stay in mi in the first place.[ i upon reading this many ppl want to knock my head] haha.. I am lossin every confidence i once had. I just abt to breakdown to cry. sobs... It is seriously a horrible feeling la. Nothing been feeling good. Maybe keeping silent for a few days should help i guess. What is there to be said.
Maybe now i should focus on my work too. I am drifting further and further away from my work as the days past. I just dunno wat is happening and going on. I think bucking up would be my choice. but concentration is not with me in any time. I seriously may need help to get focus once again. I just would not want to think on anything alr and just focus and study. It was fun going out and having fun and i do not wish to stop but at the same time i guess i have to study and just focus. Thanks to everyone who brought joy and happiness. I was lovin it. =p hehe...
A new day tmr. but i will be studying again. sian...

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I do not understand my feelings today. haha.. I was kind of feeling a bit downcast. I just felt like crying or even walking in the rain and getting wet. Is it cos i was too tired or stress? I seriously do not know all i noe is that i couldn't concentrate like my mind was else where. I kept thinking of stuff which was not related to studies in any way. My mind was seriously not there and i just could not focus. I am so worried as nothing which the teachers had taught this few weeks had not been entering my head and exams would be approaching soon. I am damn worried and scared that i may just screw up my promos up and get retain. but seriously i do not know wat is happening i just cant absorb anything. =(

wat am i going to do?

I was had been thinking today that whether my old friends and i have drifted away or not. I guess i have to some especially to those i had a fight with. Friends has been a word in my mind. It reallly kept me thinking alot. I seriously dunno wat is there to think abt but it is just in my mind. I would really want it off. haha... i think i would still be able to laugh abt it i guess. it should be fine i guess.

But still i have to add that today was also filled with laughter. everyone i saw made me laugh until my stomach hurts. I guess that the laughter really took over my tears thats why it was not shown at all. I will soon be me again i hope. haha.

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It has been long since i publish a post. The week had been filled with ups and downs.
Totally sian. I really wish to write wat happen down but it is just too much to be listed down. Also had not been having enough sleep and had been so tired that i slept for 2 hours+. It was really like a recharge for the week. I not sure if i really enjoyed the week cos there was laughter but there was also sadness. I have also been going out and had fun with my friends. Playing may soon have to come to a stop as exams would be coming soon. I would miss the days of fun especially with my enthu orion ppl and friends. haha...

Yesterday i had fever in the evening but still i had to go for the parents meeting cos my mu wanted to go. I was like freezing even though i was just in the school hall. My legs at one point even went numb that i had to step outside to move it a little. it became better a while later. LUCKLY THERE WERE PPL KEEP ME COMPANY THRU MSG.THANK YOU!! The talk was boring and i seriously did not really like it. I was like sneezing and felt tired that i did not hear a single thing the principal said. The meeing was rather long and i only manage to have my dinner at 9. i felt better after eating. =)

I had my first contact lesson today. It was early in the morning and had to wake up early. super sian. i was like damn tired but had fun with my cousins for the class. rather funny as my cousin was like singing and walking ard cos she was too tired. haha... Then i went home and sleep wthout even eating lunch. I only ate my lunch today at 3 something. then i clear my room cos there are ppl coming my house soon. it was very long before everything was done. I forgot and now i remembered that tmr i would be on duty in church. haiyo sian. i really wish to sleep only.

Finally I would like to end this by THANKING EVERYONE WHO WAS THERE FOR ME WHEN I WAS IN TROUBLE. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I WILL NEVER FORGET IT. =) HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL TO EEVERYONE!

*Samantha Chan
*18 this year
*27 Jan 1989

LOVES

*GOD

*friends
*to go out
*pool
*bowling
*badminton
*tennis
*laugh
*sleeping
*the beach
*trying new and adventurous stuff
*chit chat
*to be loved
*making friends
*coffee - starbucks one
*cheese cake

((: