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Today was a good day. Had fun. Had lots of sleep too. I noe that today was the e learning and i was suppose to be studying. I ended up sleeping as usual. LOLS. I slept like for 3 hours was simply too tired. I was tired of even thinking so i slept from 11 something till 2 something. Then i went to get ready to go out. I had a feeling that many ppl will be late so i left my house a lil later. at that point, nicole msg and told me that she was also going to be late. Then when i reach the train station, i missed my train. I was msging nicole when i finally realised that i forgot to bring money. How suay when i was heading back i missed another train. I quickly went back then msg mandy that i was going to be damn late. she called me a kukuradoo. LOL. Then again i missed my train. OMG. how unlucky i was today?? then when i reached there i realised that i was not the latest. There was still cyn, jack, ts and nicole who were later. mandy and michael was alr there waiting for all of us. The birthday boy wanted to eat carls jr. LOL. It was damn funny. we had lots of fun. Then we went walk ard and as usual the guys all couldnt catch up, they didnt even realised that we had left the store. We played arcade, it was damn long since i played. Had fun even thou i just spent 2 dollars. Then we went far east and i met amanda there, she was with her friends. Then i was talking to her then we played a hide and seek with certain ppl. I found them. LOL. By that time, cyn and nicole have left alr. left only me, mandy, michael, jack and ts. Then martin came and join us. LOL. we continued walking before we headed to play pool. Lol. I had so much fun playing and jumping and being hyper. Miss that. i had lots and lots of fun. I left only at 10 something and reached home late. let me end by saying

HAPPY
18th BIRTHDAY TANJACKLONG <30th august>
17th BIRTHDAY TIAN SHUI <25th august>
ps. thank you to those who helped carrying my bag.

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these past few days had been alright. thou rather tiring, i still tried my best to finish as much work as possible. did i do work so that i would not get distracted from wat i was thinking or just that i was just wanted to finish my work?? This have been pondering in my head the past few days i just dunno why?? I just dun understand myself and dun expect anyone to. But maybe this was a way i tried to escape. But i think i kind of sorting things out alr and thats a good sign i suppose.

I becoming to click into class again but then i think i have still been thinking alot and would not want ppl to worry. I have covered bthe emo side even that there is no one would see it except me. Cos no one is able to see wat i am thinking. Even thou there are a few ppl who are able to read be by a book. LOLs. But there have been laughter in class i can feel myself being hyper alr but there are still certain points when i felt super sian. I just try my best not to be sian just be me. LOL. still i hope that everything would be alright just soon so that i will not think so much. lets hope that it is soon.

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well today was alright la. ALRIGHT. i mean my mind has been thinking of stuff the whole day since the time i woke up till now. I cant make it stop stop stop. I just have to let it continue but pretend that there was no such thoughts. I tried rather hard thou but it seems there still. I feel really tired having the thoughts but it just worries me. I dun understand why too.

Today had lesson with my cousin. was fun. we were slackin the whole time. we were drawing on the white board too. we would add more and more as drew an object. It was fun thou my mind were flashing thoughts. I barely did any work then lesson finally ended. I went to orchard and met bridgetSHOO. it was damn long since i last saw her. We started walking ard orchard but were spending more time sitting down and talking then walking ard. We caught up alot. However, we simply dunno where to go. We even did funny things like following a balloon. maybe it might lead us to a place. thats wat we think. then we walked talked ate. then we passed the heritage centre. we went in to see where we could visit in singapore as if we were tourists. Then we promised that we would go certain places together.

1) watch forbidden city : portrait of an empress.
2) go to the zoo.(lols)

we walked awhile more and talked lots before we headed home. it was a good time meeting up again. we both also agreed that we seem to have lost an identity. LOLs. our mindset seems to be the same.

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school have been rather good. Alright i guess. I seriously dunno. Not that i am just thinking too much. more abt my studies. I think i will never catch up and just get retained. I want to study and do well but when i open the book i just dun seem to noe how to continue. I am just lost in the books. Ok i do not noe how to study and how to really do my work. so maybe i shld stop studying and quit school. as in seriously give up. I been thinking of doing that. i just dunno la. I am too sian of work to think. Teachers have been talking to me abt work. OK i am useless when it comes to work and i will never catch up thats wat i think.

I think that i am a horrible friend too. useless la. Just too boring. I dun seem to be able to entertain ppl. I have lost my identity since the hols ended. who am i??? I dunno. i just noe that my name is samantha a human. who was i during the hols and who was i before that?? I dunno . i seem to have forgotten. I want to find myself but i cant. yeaterday a friend was talking to me. she found out of me in suspension and words my teacher said. her reaction was big. WAT HAPPENED?? she dun seem to noe me and i dunno myself too. I dun seem to be like this before. wat has really happened?? i really questioned myself. i dunno. i seem to be in trouble too much. shld i have friends in the first place. maybe i am too hopeless to be anyone friend. I shld give up. lol. maybe i would make my friends bored. I dunno la. i have been thinking of it lately. maybe a failure i am as a friend. anyway i thank god for friends but am i that worth it for them.

i am fine. but just that a few thoughts i have been thinking abt this week. maybe work comes first now. I dunno i feel like stopping watever that is happening. maybe it may just help. I dunno wat to say now abt works. but i will still be happy =))).

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I wanted to blog yesterday but didnt have much of a chance to cos my connection sucks lo. LOL. keep getting sign out. anyway yesterday went to marina square with jorimTAN. lol. we were suppose to be studying but wat did in the end?? we played. We went from marina to suntec to nearly everywhere. My legs were aching at the end of the day. But i had fun. I mean really fun.Although at the end no work was done. i had fun playing with the toys cos we all seem like small kids. however, i came shocked from seeing a yellow wall. omg my mother painted one side of the living room wall yellow. it was so bright that i jump when i reach home.. LOL.

anyway today, it was alright. I mean i did not expected so many things to happen. I just was really not in the mood when my teacher came up to me to talk to me. I was alr not feeling that in the mood then she comes up to me. She started talking to me in a serious tone. she talks that she thinks that i seem to be in my own world and she was speaking to me cos all my lit teachers said the same thing. I am in a world of my own. they say i seem to have not been able to answer questions when they ask. she said that she think that i would not be able to pass promos. then she tell me that i am the weakest student in class but it is not cos i cannot do. she warns me that my next assignment must not be slipshot work. I really tried actually but since this year started watever i study it doesnt seem to go in. it just disappear. lol. i dunno why. so when i read a poem alr, i forget it the next moment. i guess i really have to give up studying alr. I think wat my teacher said is the truth cos i dun really think i will passs promos. Ok my confidence level went down after my teacher said that but wat am i to do. i dun really have the study feeling. i just feel like slacking.

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The day was hard and not easy. I guess i managed to survive thru especially for half the day alr. Ok i am not really in the mood. I guess inflicting pain and suffering may not always help too. a question have been poppin in my head.

" WHAT IF YOU KNEW U WOULD DIE TMR WAT WOULD U DO? "

ok i have the answer in my head. I was holding back something and i guess its time to let go. nth truly matters now for a moment. I may break down but it is all life process. I do not wish to question anymore. wat that have been happening could be a thinking a lil over the limits. and now i have to forget all the thoughts i once head and also forget it. I know that not many people know the thoughts that were in my head but i do not wish to say it. The only thing is i hope to forget it fast. will it be easy or hard that all depends. ha. will blog more later in the day when i reach home. lets see how long i can last.

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Time for me to really think everything properly. The days of emo have to come to an end. not many know the reason but then the reason was not really impt. sorry and thanks to those who had heard my grumbling or whatever i said. I hope it never irritate anyone. if it did? sorry. My emotions have lost its control. I shall not say the reason here at all cos it is no longer impt. I have made a decision whether right or wrong i do not know. but just that i hope it is. Someone just helped me to confirmed my decision. anyway can i be myself or just a cover i dunno. I will try to me myself but i think it will be a cover more than the real me. It shldnt be that diff to be happy and i think i shld be able to obtain it. maybe clear my thoughts would be the best help. I will do that real soon. I dunno but i thought that why didnt i withdrew. maybe not tat many problems to have happened. I had fun making friends thou. They will be part of me.

Well today was considered a happy day.(to me it didnt felt like a cover.) As usual i was late for church. I dunno why but i seem to be drifting away from church. maybe it is time to become more close to them again. Maybe cos i need more friends. God will always be part of my life even thou i seem to be getting further away. I used to have a close relationship with god but now i dun really seem to have that kind of close relationship. Why?? anyway after church talked to abelLEE for a while then talked to sarahONG. Then me, sarahONG, jorimTAN and xinYI went to tampines together. Laughter was there as we walked there. They went to eat at long john while i went to meet amandaLEONG. we went to shop at converse. bought shoes. :) then we went pasta to eat and chat. even thou we can meet very often in a week we never seem to have lack of topics to talk abt. Then wanted to go her house but then it was a lil rush so decided not to. Went home and went to sleep. I slept like for hours. I woke up like at 7. The sleep was not the prefect sleep cos i keep waking up here and there. it was nice but not the perfect one.

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I dunno why but i have been very tired these days. I have been stoning so much. thinking alot too. The thoughts kept staying in my head. I trying to forget but it seems stuck there. my mind is just full of it. Lettin go may take a while but i guess i may just do so. I think it is pretty tiring thinking abt it but still... maybe everything have got the better of me.
However i will add that thou the lots of fun things going on even thou there was sadness too. But just that i dunno why the happiness never seem to be shown. Sorry for not really being hyper or happy but still i am fine. Not emo just thinkin a little too much. But still i would like to thank those who have asked. I shld be fine.
I still had fun last week but just that maybe this few days i shld be fine after a few days. will be posting some photos soon. be prepared and ready to see. there will sure be laughter in some of it.

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well having been updatin. did not feel like too at first. but shall write a short one.
thinking abt stuff and still dunno la. but am fine. not emo just more stone these days. dunno why but just stone.
maybe sometimes emo but then i will be fine. nth troubles me. ya!!

been watching movies. Like cleared all the nice movies alr. so no shows to watch. seriously a movie addict or a better term would be movie buffs. I have so far watched 6 movies within 8 days. thats so cool and fun. anyway hope days would get better. slept only three hours yeaterday. shall head the bed for awhile now.

*Samantha Chan
*18 this year
*27 Jan 1989

LOVES

*GOD

*friends
*to go out
*pool
*bowling
*badminton
*tennis
*laugh
*sleeping
*the beach
*trying new and adventurous stuff
*chit chat
*to be loved
*making friends
*coffee - starbucks one
*cheese cake

((: